2010年高考英语湖北卷短文写作

湖北省凤凰娱乐官网_www.ph158.net 王幼平 冯建国

 

请看2010年高考英语湖北卷短文写作：

请你根据以下提示，结合生活中的一个事例，用英语写一篇短文，谈谈微笑的作用。

The best example of universally understood body language may be the smile. A smile can help us get through difficult situation and find friends in a world of strangers. A smile can open doors and tear down walls.

注意：①无须写标题；

      ②内容只需涉及一个方面；

      ③词数为100左右。

这种命题改变了传统的提纲式、表格式、图画式、图表式等命题模式，向我们展示了一篇半开放式的作文模式，湖北省是首次采用。下面我们来探讨一下这篇短文的写作。

一、审题

1.       审格式

这应该属于一篇议论文。议论文的三要素是：论点、论据和论证，因此文章从结构上来说应该写三段。提示所给部分即论点，谈到微笑的作用：微笑可以帮助我们渡过难关；在陌生的世界找到朋友；敲开大门；拆除高墙（化解矛盾，消除隔阂）。这里谈到了微笑四个方面的作用，结合题目注意事项中的第二点，我们只需要谈其中的一个方面，无需面面俱到。由于论点已经给出，我们只需提供生活当中的一个实例，来说明微笑其中一个方面的作用。作为文章结尾，我们需要结合实例论证微笑在这个方面的作用。即学生的文章由两大部分组成：

Part 1: Tell about a case in life.

Part 2: Prove the function of smile based on the case.

2.       审人称

很明显，文章应该使用第一人称来讲述生活中自己亲身经历的一个事例。

3.       审时态

讲述的事例是发生在过去的事情，因此应该用一般过去时。论证部分是客观真理，应该使用一般现在时。

二、确定内容要点，写简单句。

讲述的故事一定要简明扼要，不要重复啰嗦。论证部分要结合实例，无需泛泛而谈。

构思好故事后，将内容要点用简单句在草稿纸上写出来。

三、润色句子

适当用上高级词汇和句型以及过渡词将简单句连接起来。

四、修改

快速默读全文，确保行文简洁明了、流畅自然并检查语法、句法、单词拼写、标点等是否正确。

五、誊写

将草稿纸上修改好的文章工整干净地誊写在作文纸上。

我组织了我所任教的即将升入高三年级的两个班的学生在课堂上用了大约30分钟的时间写这篇短文。下面我将他们习作里的一些优秀的句子列举出来：

1.       It was in the classroom where the competition was held that I found I was in a world of strangers. (曹祥伟)（强调句型和定语从句结合使用)

2.       Then came a stranger who smiled and asked me how to get to the hospital. (李佳丽)（完全倒装和定语从句结合使用）

3.       It was the first time that I had participated in the school’s sports meeting. (张丽明)（固定句型）

4.       But for the smile of the girl, I wouldn’t have got the first prize. It was the smile that helped me get through the nervous situation.(张丽明)（含蓄虚拟条件句和强调句型）

5.       Not until my first friend turned up did I realize that a friendly smile could make two strangers become friends.（刘丽红）（倒装句）

6.       Greatly motivated by his smile, I became more and more confident in my study.(曹芮)（过去分词作状语）

7.       Unhappy as I was, I stayed at home to wait for him.(曹彬)（as引导的让步状语从句，用特殊的倒装形式）

8.       It goes without saying that smile is the most beautiful language in the world.(余朝辉)（固定句型表示“毫无疑问”）

9.       All of a sudden, it occurred to me that I might as well smile to everyone that I met.(许珂)（固定词组和句型）

10.   Whenever you get stuck, the only thing you should do is just smile. (黄敏)（让步状语从句）

11.   Not only can smile make us feel comfortable but it can also change our life.(余延明)（倒装句）

12.   Only when everyone smiles as often as possible can the world become more harmonious and beautiful.(曹优优)（倒装句）

请看一篇优秀作品：

It was not until the day when I was expected to be on good terms with my new classmates two years ago that I realized how important it was to smile. There is no denying that everyone can get rather nervous when faced with a world of strangers. It is my nature to be shy and introverted. Thus, there was much difficulty in making friends with them.

Nevertheless, things were not as terrible as I had thought. I found it quite easy to smile to everyone who came towards me. As time went by, we got familiar with each other. Everyone considered me to be a friendly girl in view of my smile. What surprised me most was that several of my classmates asked if I was willing to make friends with them. I knew it was the smile that helped me to leave a good impression on them.

As a matter of fact, changes happened the moment I tried to smile to whoever I met. Once we decide to be friendly by smiling, it is quite normal to be treated in the same way. To smile is so easy an action that we are all supposed to smile as often as possible.（高二文科A班黄彩云）

点评：这篇文章讲述了一个微笑帮助我们在陌生的世界找到朋友的例子。文章结尾很好地结合实例论证了微笑帮助我们交友这方面的作用。行文简洁明了、流畅自然。语言表达高级地道，用了一些好的词汇和句型以及过渡词。卷面干净整洁。不失为一篇优秀习作，我给了22分的高分。